Down-home Parables

A Blog by Richard Wayne Fry

It Is all About The Marketing

I arrived in Pensacola, Florida in May of 2010. I had lived in Florida, in the Miami area, as a child back in the 50’s. I do not recall much about that other than being on the beach when it was windy and the sand stinging my face. It is not a good memory at all. However, my arrival in May of 2010, brought me face to face with one thing I have never encountered before...
This encounter did not take place on the day of my arrival. No, this encounter was postponed until I was settled in and comfortable with no thoughts of packing up and moving on.

It was late at night, early morning actually, and I had gotten up to visit the bathroom. The bathroom light switch was the dimmer type; very nice for preventing retina burn in the middle of the night. As I made my way into the bathroom, I flipped the switch to the lowest setting giving perfect illumination for the task at hand.

For whatever reason, as I turned the light on, there, in my bathtub, was the biggest cockroach I had ever seen in my life. The thing was the size of a skateboard. I am serious. The thing could have been used as a refrigerator dolly.

It is during these times of crisis that the TRUE you emerges. Instantly I knew what to do. I headed to my closet for the 12 gauge shotgun. I opted for the 12 gauge only because I do not possess a 50 caliber.

As I was making my way through the house back to my bedroom, I awakened my roommate who wanted to know what the commotion was about. I told him about the offspring of Godzilla I had found in the bathtub, at which point he informed me, “That’s just a palmetto bug.”

Seriously! This monster from the abyss, this diabolical minion of darkness is going to be casually referred to a palmetto bug? Not on my watch!

Well, the roommate opted to fend off the villainous harbinger of doom, and I offered no resistance. However, I did start some research on this “palmetto bug.” As it turns out, It really is a cockroach. I KNEW IT! To make it worse, these things have wings not unlike the California Condor. Oh, yes, they fly.

Not surprisingly, none of the tourist literature contains even the remotest mention of this terrifying stock-killer, and for good reason. No one is going to volunteer to engage in mortal combat with these things on a regular basis.

Just look at any of Florida’s tourist sites. There you will find short articles about ‘Where to Stay’ and ‘What To Do’. You will be greeted with pictures of families on the beach, families at theme parks, etc. But what you will not find at those tourist sites is a guy in his underwear using a flamethrower and sulfuric acid in an attempt to stave off death from one of these creatures.

So if you hear a Floridian casually mention “palmetto bug,” you now know the truth about them.
Richard-Wayne: Fry

Hebrews 2:10

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