I cannot imagine a better example of submission than that of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He unselfishly put His own free will aside and willingly gave into the Father's will therein saving the world from eternal death. After realizing this truth, wives and husbands submitting to each other and to God's Word should become as natural as breathing. After all, Jesus told us that we would do all He did and more. Keeping that in mind, let's move on and learn why God expects us to submit.
Usually when the word submission is mentioned, women immediately get defensive and declare that they will not be caught dead submitting to any man. This attitude prevails among many women today because submission has been taught incorrectly in the past.
Early society tried to turn women into baby-producing door mats. Today's society has leaned towards the opposite end of the spectrum and taken women's liberty to the extreme. In reality, God intended for women to play a vital role in the marriage relationship. I believe God has, through his Word, shown us his intentions and reasons for submission.
Even though women today believe submission prevents them from living a life of freedom and fulfillment, that idea could not be farther from the truth. Submission not only allows women to live a life of freedom and fulfillment, but it also enables women to live their lives securely and protected.
I am asking you to put aside what you believe submission is or represents and study this section with an open mind, ready and eager to learn. I will only use scripture to show you God's Plan for Women and Submission.
Ephesians 5:21-23 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Scripture commands the couple to submit one to another. This allows an unconditional trust to grow between the couple.
It is just as important that the husband submits his own will to the Word of God, thereby gaining the same authority Jesus had.
When the wife is assured her husband uses God’s Word to help him make decisions, she will be more willing to put all her trust in him as her husband.
The wife submits to her husbands will, which is in line with the Word of God, thereby gaining the same authority as the husband.
They stand as “one flesh” together in this authority, taking dominion over all situations that arise in their life.
1 Corinthians 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.
As the man reflects God's love, wisdom, and glory in the marriage, so too the woman reflects her husband's love, wisdom and glory to others.
Have you ever noticed that the husband will set the mood in the home? If dad comes home tired, mom does her best to keep the kids quite so dad does not become irritated. If dad is angry, the entire household is affected. If dad is happy, everyone at home is generally happy.
1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
God said it was not good for man to be alone, so he created the woman and placed her beside man. God also expects man to take good care of the woman. She is not to be abused or misused. Keep in mind that another expression for woman is God's daughter. If more husbands today would view their wives as God's daughter, they would be more respectful toward them and towards their position as a husband.
God will not usurp man’s authority given to him by Jesus. If people insist on living in rebellion to God’s will, God will let them!
In the past, the word submission has been confused with the word obey even though these words do not have the same meaning.
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Submission - Submission means to yield under. Comes from the Greek word hupoeiko. |
hupo = under eeiko = to yield
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Yield - Yield means to relinquish one’s possession of a position of advantage or superiority, to give place; to lose precedence, leadership. To recognize the superiority of someone else. To yield to another because of respect for his authority. |
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Obey - Obey means to comply with or carry out the command; |
Submission cannot be forced. If a husband forces a wife to give in to his way; he is not getting submission, he is getting obedience. Eventually rebellion will rise up making her more and more stubborn and resentful against his way. These actions are not conducive to God’s Plan for Woman and Man, and will only lead to the destruction of the relationship, especially in the area of communication.
When the occasion arises where the husband and wife do not agree, the wife is to submit to her husband so he can go to God in prayer. God then has the responsibility to answer the husband and the wife and, when they come together on the matter, they will be in agreement. At the moment of the wife’s submission, the couple can come together in prayer and be led by the Holy Spirit.
Obedience does not come naturally, it has to be learned. God appreciates obedience more than sacrifices.
1 Samuel 15:22-23 Is the pleasure of Yahweh in holocausts and sacrifices or in obedience to the voice of Yahweh? Yes, obedience is better than sacrifice, submissiveness better than the fat of rams. Rebellion is a sin of sorcery, stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
It is not easy to learn to obey. Jesus had to learn to obey through suffering; but in the suffering, through the obedience, he was made perfect, and became our way to salvation.
Hebrews 5:8-9 Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.
Obedience also has positive results for the wife. Through suffering, (putting down her old ways and adapting to her husband) she becomes the wife, mother, and woman God wants her to be.
Titus 2:4-5 The elder women are to teach the younger women to be sober, of the right behavior, wise, and show them how to love their husbands and children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
When we obey our husbands in the Lord, we are obeying God. When we are obedient to God, he rewards us. However, we are not to obey just to receive the reward! Through submission and obedience, we change into women of the Word, fit for the Master’s use. If we continue to rebel against our husbands, we prolong the purifying process in which God is preparing our hearts to reach out to others.
If a husband tells his wife to do something contrary to God’s Word, then she is obligated to “obey” the Word of God, not her husband.
Acts 5:29 Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than men.”
The husband and the wife are to communicate their ideas one to another. If no agreement can be reached, the wife should submit so the husband can take the matter to the Lord in prayer. Both husband and wife can get confirmation from the Holy Spirit about what to do. No action should be taken on any matter until husband and wife are in total agreement! Total agreement may ultimately be that they will continue to disagree and God will show the husband the correct action.
Whatever the situation, nothing should be done until both agree! Sometimes that means the wife has to yield her position and, in faith, agree on the decision of her husband, believing that God will bless her step of faith. The husband has to go to God, in faith, believing God will show them what is the right choice.
Matthew 18:18-19 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
There could not be two more powerful people than the husband and wife; the one flesh team God has ordained to rule and reign the world.
The following event took place between Richard and me showing us the importance of our one flesh relationship.
Richard and I very rarely fight. In fact I do not even remember what this particular fight was about. All I do remember, is that it was a good fight! At one point during our verbal battle, Richard said to me, “I do not need you anyway.” At the time, he really meant what he said.
I never gave what he said another thought, but I am sure, at this point, God was more interested in showing both of us the importance of our words and how they affect our relationship.
When we finished our argument, we both shut up and went to church. At some point after the service during fellowship, Richard told me he was going to help a friend cut up a pine tree. I was glad, because, at the time, the thought of spending the day with him did not thrill me.
After church I ran around doing errands before I started for home. The house where we lived had a drive way that was ½ mile long, most of it dirt. I could see by the dust ahead of me that someone had arrived just before me and they were diving very slow. I slowed down myself and watched from a distance as the friend Richard had left with got out of his car, walked around to the passenger’s side and pulled something out and, with the help of another friend, began dragging it to the house. It took a few seconds before I realized that the thing being dragged was Richard. Richard could not move a muscle, he could not even hold up his weight to help get him in the house.
At first I panicked and began to speed up toward the house. But then I heard God in an audible voice say to me, “I am showing Richard how weak he really is without you.”
Immediately I was filled with compassion for Richard, my heart was softened, and I was no longer mad at him. I ran over to the bed where our friend had laid him and asked him if he had repented for what he had said to me. These words were words filled with awe for God not condemnation towards Richard. I was never so shocked to realize how much God holds us to our words.
Richard replied very weakly, in fact he could hardly say it and I could hardly hear him, “Yes, please pray for me.” I immediately got on my knees and laid my hand and my head on him. I apologized to God first, then I told Richard I did forgive him and I loved him. Right after I finished praying, Richard prayed, apologized to me and stood up a new man.
Later we were discussing exactly what happened. I told Richard once I saw it was him, and the condition he was in, I knew exactly what was wrong. I will never forget that feeling of realizing just how awesome God really is. It was strange to see all the strength drained from Richard, by the words of his mouth.
The lesson both Richard and I learned from the incident was that God is serious about our one flesh relationship. Richard’s words represented a definite division in that relationship. His statement of independence drained him of his strength because he cut himself off from me. He made himself a half-wit!
To balance the testimony and remove the appearance that Richard is the only one who makes mistakes in our relationship I will share one other experience we had. This time I was the one at fault.
When Richard and I were running Promise of Life Ministries in the mountains, we were given 8 goats. These animals were a true blessing for the most part, but when we moved to a larger facility, we found we did not have the proper fencing to keep the goats away from the house. We could not convince the goats they were not welcome in the house!
After many intrusions, Richard had had enough! He made the decision that I was to sell them. I wouldn’t hear of it and ignored him.
Several weeks later one of the goats broke through a glass window in the cabin and all the goats entered the house. Goats are very curious, they knocked things over, ate several plants, and made a mess of everything. The fight was on!
I still wanted to keep them, Richard insisted on selling them. I would not give in to my husband's wishes. I see now I was in rebellion, I was not operating in “God's plan” for my life. I was ready to forget everything I knew just to have my way. But we are accountable to God, the world, and ourselves, to live up to the knowledge of God’s Word we have within us.
We cannot act like we do not know any better. Ignorance is not bliss. Keep in mind Richard and I are in ministry. We are an example; teachers and leaders, not followers. The gospel requires that our life be clean.
The very next morning, I went outside for some fresh country air and I noticed a goat lying on the ground dead. A few steps more and I could see another goat lying dead. All but two of my goats were dead. My male goat remained alive because he was locked in the barn and I found another female alive but she died the next day.
If I had taken the goats to market, (Richard’s plan) I would have had around $300.00 dollars in my pocket. Instead, I was stubborn and had nothing except a hard learned lesson. God’s principles work, whether we apply them or not. They either work for us when we are submitted to God’s Word. They work against us. When we rebel against those principles. The choice is ours!
When a wife is stubborn and refuses to submit to her husband, she removes herself out from under the covering God provided for her. She then places a wedge between her and her husband. The devil then has the right to come in and steal, kill, and destroy.
To this day I do not know what those goats ate that caused them to bloat. They had been grazing the land for months with no problems. But I do know what it was that caused the tragedy! My rebellion.
Ephesians 5:25-33 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
The Bible instructs the wives to submit to their husbands for two reasons.
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Submission puts a husband in position to hear from God.
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Submission is God’s protection for woman.
Remember God’s power structure? If the wife refuses to submit, the husband will also refuse to submit and we have the typical problem. The husband is more interested in proving he is boss, head of the house, rather than making godly choices! He will not seek the council of the Holy Spirit, nor will he care whether his wife is in agreement with him! He will stubbornly make his own choice...because he can.
This is very dangerous. It is exactly what Woman did to Adam. She made her own choice, then Adam followed Woman in her choice. Woman’s choice was against God’s command to Adam. Both actions, the wife refusing to submit to her husband, and the husband submitting to his own desires rather than God’s Word, become acts of rebellion. Both husband and wife will suffer the consequences. Anytime an action is sown in the flesh, it will be reaped in the flesh.
Galatians 6:7-8 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
The battle is now engaged. The husband is proving he is boss. The wife is proving she does not care nor does she have to obey. Both husband and wife need to repent and get back into God’s grace! They have put Galatians 5:15-16 into operation.
Galatians 5:15-16 But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
They have also fallen into
James 3:16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
God’s plan puts another scripture into action.
James 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
Let me point out that the husband must realize the final decision on any matter is made with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The husband is responsible for all decisions made in his home, but Jesus is willing to share the responsibility with him making the yoke lighter. To say the husband alone is responsible for what goes on in his household is unfair. Remember, we have a team; both members must function properly in their respective positions.
At the same time, God does not relieve the wife of any responsibility! Scripture is clear, the wife submits or yields her authority into her husband’s hands. This, in itself, is an act of pure trust. The husband then goes sincerely to God in prayer, asking God to make it clear to both of them what they are supposed to do.
Both parties are now open and in position to receive from God. Usually God will confirm to both the husband and the wife what he wants them to do. Many times it may not be what the husband or the wife wanted to do. Sometimes what seems like a blessing is actually a curse in disguise!
1 Peter 3:7-9 is a wonderful scripture full of instruction and love for the husband. God tells the husband that the woman is the weaker vessel. My husband compares the husband and wife to a pewter goblet and a crystal goblet. Both hold liquid, both function very well as made. However, the crystal goblet is much more delicate in makeup and beauty compared to the pewter goblet. The crystal goblet is the weaker vessel.
Note the word “weak” does not imply the woman is less intelligent than the man nor that she has less talents and ability. The woman is more delicate than the man, and God planned it that way.
1 Peter 3:7-9 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them (their wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
Scripture makes it very clear, living in harmony, according to God’s Word, insures blessings for the husband and wife. The husband’s prayers can be hindered if he does not treat his wife properly.
God will not bless our actions if they are run contrary to his word, or anytime we operate in our own program!
So many couples today are guilty of “rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing.” God instructs us to forgive and go on with the rest of our lives. Holding grudges erects walls between the couple resulting in short tempers and a lack of patience with one another.
If allowed to go too far, the couple will “cease to love” each other and eventually will have nothing in common. This process does not happen overnight; it takes time, even years, to deaden a couples’ love and commitment for one another.
God never expects us to do anything that He hasn’t first done himself! Jesus Christ himself submitted his own will and life to that of the Father’s will and plans. In doing so, he gained all power and authority in heaven and earth, the same power and authority the Father possessed.
It sounds unfair and unreasonable for a woman to have to submit her authority over to her husband. But the Word of God tells us not to lean on our own understanding!
When a woman submits, she is saying to her husband that she trusts him as her covering, and she trusts his walk with the Lord. It is this very act of submission that makes a woman strong and mighty! She becomes the woman God wants her to be, and she obtains freedom to minister God’s Word with an anointing to set people free. If you cannot (or will not) submit, you should not marry.
Matthew 28:18 And Jesus came and spoke unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
Once we understand it is actually submission which gives us the ability to line up with God’s will in our lives, then “all power and authority in heaven and on earth" become ours!
James 5:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, subordinate and adapt yourselves to them, as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Jesus = Savior = the sustainer and preserver of the Church, His Body.
Husband = savior = the sustainer and preserver of the wife, his body.
God positioned the husband to be the savior of his wife's body. This means that it is the husbands responsibility to protect his wife physically, monetarily, and most important, spiritually. That is why God instructs Christians to marry Christians of like faith. If a woman speaks in tongues and walks in the Gifts of the Spirit, but her husband does not, how is he going to protect her spiritually? How can he be the head of the household in spiritual matters? God will sanction a marriage like this, but it makes submission for the wife much more difficult than it need be.
Men are more analytical than women, and definitely less emotional. God found it very necessary to command husbands to “love” their wives as they would their own bodies. God never finds it necessary to command wives to love their husbands, but, he does tell the older wives to teach the younger wives how to love their husbands. Wives only need to learn how to love their husbands, to submit to, and to obey them.
Titus 2:1-4 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: that the aged men be sober-mined, grave, temperate, sound in faith , in love, in patience; the aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becomes holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things, that they may teach the young women to be sober-minded, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed.
Women love much easier than men because women are more emotionally structured. Even though this is true, young women still need direction in how to love their husbands and their children. Too much emotion can distort love and turn it into a deadly weapon.
Whenever mankind ignores or chooses to do the opposite of God’s instruction, it never works out for the best. Women today have lost sight of the role God would have them take, because the women of yesterday failed to teach and train them as God has instructed.
The same goes for the men. Men today have become macho, lust seekers because the men of yesterday failed to teach and train them up in the Word of God.
Women find it hard to obey and submit, men find it hard to love.
Ephesians 5:28-30 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body.
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, be affectionate and sympathetic with them, and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.
In Ephesians chapter 5, Paul reveals a parallel between the relationship between Christ and the Church, his body, and the husband and wife relationship. Paul found it important for the husband and wife to realize the two relationships have the same measure of holiness.
The one flesh relationship between a husband and wife is as mysterious to understand as the one flesh relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church. The husband is to love his wife in the same manner as Christ loves his church.
God placed the husband as the wife’s cover for two reasons:
1 Corinthians 11:3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
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First reason |
2 Timothy 3:1-7 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
God wants to protect women from false teachers mentioned in verses 1-4! Remember, these men do not look like bad guys; they “have a form of godliness.” They talk the talk, but do not walk the walk! Because these deceivers can quote scripture and sound religious, they deceive women into believing they are godly men. When a woman falls for a man like this, she will usually become blind to the obvious signs that this man is a phony. Unfortunately the truth always becomes painfully clear after they have married.
See vs 6, “of this sort” means verses 1-5.
Who do these deceivers lead away? “Silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts.” This is God’s description of women who are not in submission. Women who are not submitted have absolutely no protection against evil.
A “silly woman” is any woman who is not submitted to either her husband (if married) or her father (or her pastor if single).
1 Corinthians 11:5 But every woman that prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
This scripture is describing an un-submitted woman. Any woman who is in disobedience to her husband and goes ahead and ministers the Word of God is in rebellion. As long as her husband approves of what she is doing, her head is covered. But no one can go against God’s principles and expect God to bless his or her work.
The husband may not wish to participate in the ministry of his wife. That is okay, but he must be in agreement with her, agreeing that what she is doing is God’s calling in her life.
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Second reason:
1 Timothy 2:12-14 “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection (submission).
But I suffer a woman not to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man,
but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was
not deceived, but the Woman being deceived was in the transgression.”
Adam was not deceived; it was Woman who was deceived and sinned. She did
not become a sinner until Adam sinned with her. Scripture points out that Adam was not deceived by the serpent because
he was the one who received the original command not to eat the fruit of
the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. |
Women are emotional and have a natural ability to trust, giving them a natural vulnerability which opens the door for possible deception. God made women this way and ordained husbands to protect them. God made the woman with a need to rely on man. If woman did not have that ability, then she would find it impossible to submit.
Unfortunately, the world has directed and trained women to be different. In a sense women are trained to be totally independent which is against their God given nature.
I am not saying women are to be mindless globs or door mats to be stepped on. God gave women intelligence and common sense. But when we come right down to the facts, women feel most secure when they have a godly man they can trust and depend upon.
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Copyright © 1999 Charlotte Fry
Published by Promise of Life Ministries
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God's Plan for Woman and Man - ISBN # 1-892771-08x
Last modified: Friday August 18, 2006 03:03:43 PM -0700