...we have regained the ability to operate our marriage as the “one flesh” union God originally planned.  We can choose a worldly marriage based on the works of the flesh, following our own plan, calling it a marriage, and expecting God to bless it!  The choice is entirely up to us.

Galatians 5:17-21 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

A successful, godly marriage takes a conscious effort by both the husband and the wife, submitting themselves to each other.  Both husband and wife must be making  quality decisions to work together within the parameters outlined in the Word of God, walking in the Spirit, and flowing in the Gifts of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-26 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. 

Using God’s Word as our marriage guideline will result in a home filled with peace, harmony, happiness, meaningful communication, respect, and love.

In order for a marriage to be in perfect harmony with God’s perfect plan, the couple must be born again and baptized in the Holy Spirit.  In order to achieve God’s “one flesh” mystery in a marriage the couple must be able to do what Romans 8:1-17 exhorts us to do; to walk in the Spirit not in the flesh.

Now, I did not say that people who are not born again are not married in God’s eyes.  They are married, and God recognizes them as such.  However, to achieve God’s perfect marriage, a couple must meet all of God’s criteria according to Scripture; being born again, being baptized in the Holy Spirit, operating in the wholeness of God and His plan for mankind, and utilizing the Gifts of the Spirit in the household.

Imagine trying to drive a car that had no gasoline, or trying to  bake a cake without flour.  Impossible!  In order to accomplish these things, the proper ingredients must be implemented.  The same goes for marriage.  God designed the institution of marriage, He made all the rules and prescribed the necessary ingredients to make it work!

The biggest reason for so many divorces today is that the majority of couples are trying to make their marriages work using only their power and abilities, totally eliminating God, His gifts, and His power.  Any marriage that survives under these conditions is a total miracle!

The choice is ours, we can walk in the flesh and reap a worldly marriage… or we can obtain a godly marriage as prescribed in scripture. 

Ephesians 5:21-33 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Paul compares the relationship between Jesus Christ and His bride with the marriage covenant of a husband and wife.  It is important to note that this comparison continues throughout the scripture…

“the HUSBAND is the HEAD of the WIFE, 
even as
CHRIST is the HEAD of the CHURCH.”

The baptism in the Holy Spirit, provides believers with the ability to walk in the Spirit, agapé love, power, and success.

John 14:16-18 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it sees him not, neither knows him: but ye know him; for he dwells with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

John 15:26 But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceeds from the Father, he shall testify of me: 

When Jesus refers to the "Kingdom of God" in the following scriptures, He is not referring to heaven.  He is talking about living in God's kingdom here on earth, taking advantage of all the Father's blessings and walking in His fullness.

John 3:1-21  Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council. He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him.”  In reply Jesus declared, ”I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”  “ How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. “Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb to be born!” Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’  The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”   “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.“You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things?  I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?  No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven - the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life. ”For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

I Corinthians 11:3  But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1. God

2. You

3. Spouse

4. Children

5. Job

6. Church

1 Corinthians 7:32-35  But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she that is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  And I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

If, at anytime, this order is changed, there will be trouble in the marriage relationship. The husband and the wife will have their own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, but they must also have a joint relationship with Him in order to succeed!  If the wife or the husband places the children first in the marriage, that action will drive a wedge between the couple and it will also remove Jesus Christ from his place as head of the union.  Both husband and wife must be willing to change their individual opinions/ideas when they realize their beliefs are contrary to God’s Word.   God will not and can not bless our own programs or our own power structure!

Many Christians believe that they should put their church before their job because in doing so, they are serving and pleasing God.  This is not true for the simple reason that their job is the financial support for both their family and their church.  The reality of church life is simple.  God uses people to support His Church.  If the congregation consists of un-employed members, the financial foundation of the church is in serious danger.  No jobs, no tithes.  No tithes, no pastor.  No pastor, no church.

If the children are coming between the husband/wife relationship, then the spouse who is allowing this to occur (usually the wife/mother) must repent to the Father and apologize to his or her partner.

Once the children see their boundaries established with dad and mom as a team, together, not in opposition, they will eventually stop trying to enter into the holy ground where they do not belong! 

This was a personal problem in my second marriage.  When Richard and I were first  married, Shayne and Jason were jealous of our relationship.  They constantly rebelled and drew upon my motherly instincts.  Here is an example:

Richard is a gourmet cook.  On the other hand, I not only despise cooking, but also my attempts at it are usually disastrous!  Richard would cook the most wonderful meals and the boys would refuse to eat them.  Now, in following my motherly instinct, I would have made them what they wanted; hamburgers or hot dogs.   Richard and I having already recognized the real underlying problem, decided the boys would not have their way.  We simply informed them that if they did not like what was presented as the family meal, then they could excuse themselves from the table and not eat anything.  When the boys saw their threats did not move Richard or me, and that we stood in agreement as a team, they began to eat what was prepared.  Children are not stupid, they will back off when they see their actions will only cause pain to themselves.

Each time Richard and I recognized the boys were stepping past their boundaries by trying to slip between us in our relationship, we would discuss the problem with them, letting them know they had definitely stepped out of line.  As the boys learned their boundaries they accepted them and we no longer had any trouble in that particular area.  This not only took time, it also took consistency, patience, agreement, and teamwork.  I have to admit, this was especially difficult for me.

I knew the boys had been deeply hurt by the divorce.   They were blaming me because I no longer liked their daddy, and because I liked this other man whom they had not picked to be their daddy.   They were also suffering from insecurity causing them to be over sensitive. Richard had a tough row to hoe!   He had to win the boys trust and love, and at the same time establish his position as head of the household in the family.  My actions would either hinder or help him in the situation.   I had to make a conscious effort to think through every decision before I opened my mouth to speak to the boys.  To this day, I am so glad I submitted to God’s plan.   I look at the boys now, they are both good men who respect and love Richard as their dad.

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