Because God commanded Adam and Woman to multiply and replenish the earth, children can never be a curse or a mistake.  Children are always a blessing and a gift from God.  God places His children in our care to raise them up to worship, praise, and serve Him.  

Genesis 17:16 And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.

Genesis 28:3 And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou may be a multitude of people;

Proverbs 17:6 Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

Psalm 125:3-5 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5  Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a  are a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

The Lord knows that I have done everything in my power not to write on the subject of children.  I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, consider myself an expert on bearing or raising children, but, God is.   I believe when we put our past and future life into perspective with the Word of God, submitting to His Word,  we attain His Wisdom and Knowledge for the correct and Godly way to raise children.  

The world today is big on humanism which preaches permissiveness, lack of discipline, and selfishness.  It amazes me to hear Christian couples mouthing teachings of humanism when it comes to the raising of their children.  Humanism is not scriptural.  Humanism demonic in nature and is in direct contradiction to God's Word.  "Do whatever makes you feel good," cannot be found in scripture.

One of the first lessons the Lord taught me with my boys was that, in reality, those boys were just on loan to me.  God had placed His sons in my care to raise them up in the way they should go.  He made it perfectly clear to me that the way they should go is on the path of the Lord.  The Word of God teaches parents to raise children in God's Word, placing it deep within their hearts and when they grow older, the Word will not depart from them.

I remember a particular incident that happened to our oldest son Shayne when he was 11 years of age.  At the time we lived in Long Beach, California where we were bussing distance from the beach.  Shayne decided that he was old enough to take the bus to the beach with his friends, against our explicit instructions to the contrary.   We were told the typical lie, that he was over at his friends house and of course we believed him.

Around three o'clock in the afternoon, I received a call from the Huntington Beach Fire Department that they had my son Shayne.  The concerned fireman told me that just 45 minutes earlier the life guards had rescued Shayne from a rip tide which was pulling him out to sea.

After I hung up the phone, I told Richard what I had just learned.  Then I went into my prayer room better known as the bathroom.  I remember looking in the mirror and shaking my fist at God yelling, "And just where were you in all this?"  You would think I would have learned the more gentle approach with God, but, hey, I'm only a human being with a limited mental capacity.   You can imagine my surprise when I heard His response.  The Lord quickened to my heart that He was in control - Shayne had lived hadn't he?  The Lord then reminded me that I had no idea Shayne was in danger and He did keep him from drowning by making sure a life guard spotted and rescued Shayne.  I was humbled.

I cannot put into words the rhema that became real in my heart knowing I could let go and let God when it came to the safety of my children.  From that day on, I always placed the boys in God's hands whenever they were out of my sight.  Only my relationship with the Lord, and His Word, enabled me to accomplish this since I was raised by a very controlling mother.

This was a big spiritual growth for me.  I was raised by a mother who had sworn to never let her kids out of her sight.  This resolution happened when her older sister, at the  age of 9, was injured on the farm resulting in grand mal epilepsy which eventually worsen to status epilepticus.  She died having a series of status epilepticus seizures.  No one knows how Annie was injured.   All mom knew was that she lost her best friend.  Then a few months later, her favorite cousin was drowned in the gravel pit.  Apparently he was riding his bike along the rim and fell in.   His body was found later that day.  Again, no one really knows what happened because there were no witnesses.  I can just see my mom making the vow never to let her kids out of her sight.  What a curse that was!  She even volunteered everyday at our grade school so she could always know what we were doing and that we were safe.  This really cramped my style as a kid!

I remember the day I realized just how important my boys were to me.  The boys were messing around in the livingroom with a nerf ball which was against house rules.  During their frolic, one of them managed to knock down and break my favorite Austrian crystal vase.  I was livid and began screaming at them as I picked up the mess.  I looked up and there they stood, both of them devastated by the words coming out of my mouth.  I stopped and realized I was placing a stupid Austrian crystal vase above the emotions and feelings of my sons.  Not good!

Man, did I grow up that day!  Immediately I called them both to me and apologized for losing it.  Then I proceeded to let them know that they had in fact broke a house rule and would need to be punished for their actions.  I also told them they would both have to give me their allowance until they had replaced the vase.  This worked out so much better and peace was restored in our home.

As we are the apple of God's eye, so should children be the apple of their parents' eye.  What do your children see when they enter a room?  Do they see a criticizing parent or do they see a loving parent?  A child can read the room.  Facial expressions, body language, gestures,  and voice inflections, tell the child whether or not he or she is accepted.  It is very important to a child's emotional and spiritual growth to feel secure and accepted at home.  Children are not born confident and self-assured; it is a acquired attribute.

Parents should always show and communicate to their children that they are loved.  Love is learned and takes effort and work.  Children do not just assume they are loved.  They do not even know what love is unless they are taught, through example by their parents, exactly what love is.  Children who are not taught the Godly kind of love will not be able to maintain a loving relationship with  their future partner and children.  Children learn by example and can only teach what they know.

Parents should always encourage their children to succeed without putting pressure on them to do so.  Encouragement and support must not be mingled with control through intimidation.   It is not the parents' place to develop long term goals for their children.  Wise parents will direct and encourage their children to walk life's path looking to God for long term goals and aspirations.  Controlling parents will determine what the children's goals and aspirations will be, and will use pressure, intimidation, and coercion to insure the children adhere to "the plan."

It is important for parents to teach their children how to set long term and short term goals.  Goal setting starts the moment the new arrival is brought home.   The parents begin to teach their newborn how to fit into the existing family  lifestyle, at the same time teaching any existing siblings to accept the arrival of the new brother or sister.   Their goal is to introduce the new sibling into the family and to continue living together in harmony and love.  The newborn should not disrupt the family with his or her personal demands, but should be taught to become part of the family.  As children grow older and their world expands, goal setting also expands from personal growth and family living to educational and career choices.  If parents were successful in teaching their children how to set personal long and short term goals, their children will be successful in choosing and accomplishing long term educational and career goals.  

It is important for parents to realize that there will come a time in their childrens' life where they must gradually pull back and let their children set goals without their interference.  Once their children begin setting their own goals,  the parents' role changes and it becomes their duty to encourage and support their children in accomplishing and maintaining those goals. 

I believe this to be the hardest part of raising children.  Encouraging and guiding your children to fulfilling their heart's desire, without applying pressure or control, is God's Plan for parents for their children.. 

One of today's problems is that parents are trying to be their childrens' friend.  To reduce the relationship between a parent and child to one of mutual friendship is not God’s plan, but one rooted in humanism.   When a parent steps out of their position lowering themselves to their childrens' level, their children immediately recognize they are in control of the relationship and they will get their  way.

The sad reality is that children do not know how to stand in this position.  Putting them in control can cause them to be disrespectful and rebellious.  In order for children to be secure they must learn to live within the God-appointed boundaries.  As children grow, their boundaries are slowly expanded and they  learn how to live securely in their new and larger world, taking on the responsibilities of adulthood, and leaving behind childish things.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

A good child does not just happen. It takes hard work, consistency, prayer, and guidance from above to raise a good child.  It is important to realize it is not the responsibility of your church to train your children on spiritual matters.  God holds parents responsible for their childrens' spiritual growth.  When parents ignore their childrens' spiritual growth, they grow up confused and do not acquire a clear view of their Creator and Savior.   Children who's spiritual growth has been neglected lack an important element of family values.  These children enter the world lacking an important weapon needed for survival.

The following scriptures are promises to stand on for a rebellious child.  We cannot (and God will not) do anything against a person’s free will.  But, we have promises from the Word that God will do all he can to call our children unto Him.

Psalm 103:17 But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children;

Proverbs 3:33 The curse of the Lord is in the house of the wicked: but he  the habitation of the just. 

Proverbs 11:21 Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered.

Proverbs 12:7 The wicked are overthrown, and are not: but the house of the righteous shall stand.

Jeremiah 32:39 And I will give them one heart, and one way, that they may fear me for ever, for the good of them, and of their children after them.

Children come to an age where they have to make up their own minds about salvation. This is a very difficult time in a child’s life; it is just as difficult for the parents.  But it is important to understand that unless the child makes the choice from his or her own heart, there will be problems later on.  It is the parents' responsibility to pray for their children constantly and consistently.  Parents need to push back the enemy and stand on the following verse of scripture.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

There is a right way and a wrong way to discipline a child.  Let’s take a look at what God has to say about discipline. First I want you to see this scripture. Notice God covers our children even after we have gone to be with the Lord.

Deuteronomy 12:28 Observe and hear all these words which I command thee, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee for ever, when thou doest that which is good and right in the sight of the Lord thy God.

Please understand; discipline is a form of love.  Parents need to teach their children this Godly principle.  Tough love is a difficult practice.  If a parent ignores tough love, their children will likely grow into unruly , rude, irresponsible, and selfish adults.

It is important to understand the true meaning of discipline.  Discipline is not screaming out of control, cussing a blue streak,  or hitting in a fit of rage.  Never discipline children in anger!  That is how child abuse occurs.  Always send  offenders to their room while taking the time to calm down, gather your thoughts, decide upon the proper course of action, pick a few scriptures to share with then; then approach them, without anger, and with the authority God gave you as a parent.  Children will learn to respect and admire their parents because this is God's way of disciplining.

Parents who continuously scream at their children, strike them in anger and without communication, swear at them, and degrade them with the words of their mouth, will have children who tune them out and do not respect or obey them.  These children will enter society with a foul mouth, showing no respect for authority, feeling the world owes them a living.  

Hmmmm...  does this remind you of a scripture about reaping and sowing.  Parents who do not show their children love, and respect for authority, will end up with adult children who do not respect, love, or cherish them. 

Children need boundaries.  Discipline is to be applied when those boundaries are crossed.  I am reminded of a school in California that needed to replace the fencing around the playground.  It was observed by the playground monitors that, during the time the fence was removed, the children played near the center of the playground never venturing toward the unfenced area.  Once the fence was back in place, the same playground monitors noticed that the children, as before before the fence was removed, played everywhere including near the fence.  With the fence removed, the children lacked the sense of security that the fence provided.  To compensate, they huddled together in the center of the playground.  Once the fence was restored, security was restored and the established boundaries left the children to play unhindered.

Lack of discipline in a child's life will cause the child to become rebellious and disrespectful towards their parents.  God teaches us that children need discipline.  Who are we to argue?

God hates rebellion. He likens rebellion to the sin of witchcraft.

1 Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

Let’s look at what would happen to a rebellious child in the Old Testament days. 

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shall thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Exodus 21:15 And he that smites his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.

Leviticus 20:9 For every one that curses his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

We are now living under the New Covenant with new and better promises.  We no longer put our children to death for disobedience.  If we did, we would go to prison and rightfully so.  Nonetheless, God commands that children be obedient to their parents and that they honor and respect them.  Notice this scripture from the New Testament and how the wording is changed to “let him die the death,” implying a natural death.   It is not scriptural to “kill” a child for being disobedient.

Matthew 15:4 For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curses father or mother, let him die the death.

Rebellion is not just a stage a child will grow out of.  It is a contagious and destructive force that must be controlled and stopped by the parents.  Godly  discipline will accomplish this task.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes.

Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beats him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell.

Proverbs 29:15-17 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame. When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increases: but the righteous shall see their fall. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.

According to Scripture, we, as Christian parents, are to spank our children. But at the same time we must be just.  Never spank a child without first making it clear “why” they are being spanked.   Share scriptures with the child to show him what he should have done in the situation.  Richard and I had a list of rules posted in each of the boy's rooms showing them how many swats they would receive when a rule was broken.  

It is important to the atmosphere of the home to make sure that when the spanking is over, so is the punishment.  Life goes on, and the child should not be treated like a sub-human or family outcast.  Once punishment is delivered, the child should be allowed to enter into fellowship with the family.  Isolation only breeds resentment, anger, and insecurity.

Spanking should never be administered with the hand.  According to God, hands are to be used as an instrument of love and healing, not punishment.  In learning to train a dog, the trainer teaches the owner to always use a paper and a firm voice to discipline the dog.  The owner does not want to the dog to cower away when he lifts his hand to show affection through petting .  When we gesture with our hands towards our children we want them to pay attention not cower away in fear. 

Pick a tool to use when spanking and don't deviate.  Make the child lay down so that only the buttocks are hit.  Chasing a child around in a circle while swinging wildly, hitting various body parts only makes for a confusing comical scene where the child is totally in control.  During a spanking, the parent must be in control at all times.  

I remember when that particular form of spanking ended in our home.  Richard was holding our oldest son by the arm swinging with the belt while Shayne maneuvered both of them in a circle, dodging every blow.  The spanking was over when the belt missed Shayne and landed upon those parts, which, when hit, double-up a man and drop him immediately to the floor.  After Richard recovered, he and I conferred, then we sat the boys down and told them that from this day forward, when they were receiving their swats, they would be laying on their beds, so that they were the only ones receiving the punishment..  

A child will develop a healthy outlook toward discipline if the parent is consistent and just.  Notice, I did not use the word fair.  No one ever promised fair, not even God.  God is a God of justice.  Do not confuse these two words.  The problem with today’s society is  we have substituted the word justice with the word fair.  What is fair can be a matter of opinion, where, on the other hand, “justice” is the constant and perpetual disposition to render every man his due and should be gauged by the scriptures.   

Richard’s famous saying to our boys was. . .

Shayne and Jason always knew what was going to happen to them when they disobeyed Richard and me.  In the beginning, Richard sat them both down and explained to them what we as parents, expected of them.  He also made a list showing them how many swats they would get for various offenses.  We stuck to the program.  We never disciplined them while we were angry.  We also made sure that once the spankings were over, we allowed the boys to become part of the family again.  We never scowled at them or brought the subject up again.  It was over.  This took consistency on our part and, I must admit, Richard was the stronger of the two.  I would let them get away with much more before bringing the belt out.  The result was that the boys knew they could manipulate me and not Richard.  They are both grown up now and have left our home rendering that stage of their life complete.

Their natural father never allowed me to spank them, so by the time Richard and I married, they were wild.  Having no discipline whatsoever, they went through quite the culture shock when Richard joined our family. They even tried going to their father and complaining to him that Richard was an abusive step-father.  But as time passed, they became very secure and comfortable with the new program because Richard, more so than I, was consistent. 

Both Shayne and Jason have a very good attitude about discipline, and to this day they always tell people that dad (Richard) was consistent and just with them, and they are glad he disciplined them. 

Watching Richard take over and letting him discipline the boys was hard for me because I was not used to disciplining the boys.  Several times I would undermine Richard causing strife between us.  I realized that if we were to be a team, Richard and I needed to be speaking and enforcing the same rules.  Children are smart, they know who to push and how hard. They know how to define their boundaries with each individual they come into contact.  Once I made my choice to team up with Richard, the boys tested me less and less. They finally realized they were in a “no win” situation, and life would be much easier for them if they followed the rules.  Peace was again restored in our home.

A few years later, the boy’s father tried to gain full custody of the them.  One of his reasons for wanting to take the boys from me was that Richard was an abusive step-father.   Had he played this card when Richard and I first started the discipline program with the boys, he probably would have won because at first, the boys didn't like the program.  Steve tried to use the boys against us, but the judge, showing the wisdom of Solomon, took the boys into his chambers and asked them if Richard and I were abusive. They were 8 and 10 at the time. They both told the judge, “No we were not abusive. Yes, Richard did spank them, but only when they deserved it and then he played with them.” The judge was very impressed with the boys and their attitude and as a result Richard and I were allowed to keep the boys. 

Richard testified using the scriptures in the Bible regarding children and discipline. The judge’s statement was most complimentary.  He stated that Shayne and Jason were obviously being raised by two loving parents who were doing a great job.  Shayne and Jason were both secure in their family environment and he was not about to interrupt their lifestyle with a change in custody.

Then the judge turned to the boy's father and said, "There is no way, these boys could have turned out the way they are today, if what you have been saying about Richard and Charlotte is true.  I have to determine that what you have attested to is simply your personal opinion and not fact.  You should be happy your boys have a step-father who loves them."

Scripture is clear about the issue of justice in punishment.

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

God knows what he is talking about.  If a parent is unjust in the training up and disciplining of a child, this will cause rebellion in the child’s heart.

Discipline is not the only responsibility parents have towards their children. Parents must also teach and train them.  How can that be done properly? Scripture is very clear on this subject. Teaching and training go hand in hand with discipline.  They cannot be separated.  A parent cannot eliminate one from the other.  The book of Proverbs is full of scriptures training and teaching children how to live.

Proverbs 1:1-4 The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel; To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding; To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity; To give subtlety to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.

God gives children the first of ten commandments that comes with a promise.  If children honor their parents, then they will have long life.

Exodus 20:12 Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives thee.

Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God gives thee.

Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou may live long on the earth.

Proverbs 1:8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: 

Proverbs 23:22 Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

In the following scripture, God promises children who obey and respect their parents...

None of these verses "suggests" that children honor and obey their parents. Every verse "commands" them to honor and obey with a promise following of long life and peace of mind.   Knowing this, why would a child choose to not to obey their parents? 

Children today are taught in many ways, through many people. They are forced to live a life full of double standards.  Many teachers, in public and private schools, endorse a humanistic approach to life and it's problems.  Children are, therefore, subjected to those ungodly principles.  Because children are impressionable, this can lead to problems in the childrens' attitude at home.  Parents must impress upon their children that God's Word should always be their rule in life, defining right from wrong. 

The state, in order to protect children from abusive parents, has over-stepped it's boundaries, making rules and regulations that are contrary to God’s Word. Teachers often report good parents to the state accusing them of child abuse because the child received a spanking at home.  We cannot fight the state single handedly, but we can teach our children the difference between child abuse and discipline.

God, in His Word, repeatedly tells children to give heed to instruction, both His and their parents.  God has His reasons.  If a child heeds the instruction of his/her father, then the child shall attain 

When children take heed to instruction, God says the following happens:

In God's Plan for raising children, it is the parents' responsibility to teach and train their childrens' spirit, mind, and body using God's Word as the defining rule.  Parents who take their children to God's Word will raise children who depend on God's Word for life, and who will love and serve the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

The following scripture clearly outlines the obligations and godly duties of a wife and mother and needs no commentary by me...  

Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becomes holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

 

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